An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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