fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
