Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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