is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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