meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
