i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up under a house in Key West
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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