I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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