You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
