Dude my mom stole all your condoms
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bet he comes in French.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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