if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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