she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
