Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
