I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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