you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
