we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
