remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Found your dick twin last night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
