Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's blow job season.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
