just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
