Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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