I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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