i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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