I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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