Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
