trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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