Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
