That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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