I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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