i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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