the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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