He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
