My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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