I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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