I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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