So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
