What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
