wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
