her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
