wanna go halves on a baby?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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