i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Enjoy the penises
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
