Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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