Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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