It's like God shit irony all over that family
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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