Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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