i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
