I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
