my room smells like sperm. sweet.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
