sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
