grandma shit on top of the toilet
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
