Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Even my vagina gasped.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
