my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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