she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
