Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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