another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
