a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
