Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Welp...herpes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
