my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
